Things she’ll never say

• You aren’t sitting close enough to the TV.  Move up closer.
• Turn that music up louder, I can’t hear it!
• I skipped school while I was a kid.
• Don’t turn the lights off. I like how cheery its making the house look
• Let me take a whiff of the shirt – I am sure it’s clean enough
• Don’t bother tucking in your shirt. I like that grunge look on you.
• Oh, Tom’s mom said it was alright? Sounds good to me!
• Oh dear, I don’t have a tissue. Use your sleeve, it’s fine.
• Shoot for this time – if you don’t get home by them it’s not a big deal.
• You don’t need a jacket, dear, it’s warm enough for what you have on.
• Tonight we’re starting with dessert!
• Don’t eat your vegetables.  Just eating that meat will be fine.
• Don’t worry about brushing your teeth tonight.

Mom’s definitions

• Dumbwaiter – The one that asks the kids if they want dessert

• Feedback – The result of your baby not liking the strained peas you feed him

• Full name – The name you call your child when you’re really mad

• Grandparents – Those thoughtful people who think your children can’t do any wrong and load them up with sugar before turning them back over to you.

• Hearsay – What little kids do when you curse

• Independent – What you want your children to do as long as they do what you want them to do.

• Puddle – A tiny amount of water that inexplicably soaks small children.

• Top bunk – The place where a child who wears Superman pajamas shouldn’t sleep

• Showoff – Another child who has more talent than your child

• Two-Minute Warning – What your baby is giving you when his face is turning red and he’s making grunting noises.

• Nobody/Not me – Two invisible people who are always being blamed for the things that your kids do in your house.

Still don’t think that your mom deserves something special for Mother’s Day? Here are some statistics to think about.

6570 dinners to age 18

9000 diapers from birth to potty training

6720 loads of laundry to age12

2160 school lunches to age 12

Of course there is more to think about, but it’s just something to remember the next time that your thinking of getting something cheap or flimsy for your mother for Mother’s Day. And that’s not even mentioning the 3 am feedings, the nights she got up with you when you were sick, the times that she stayed up decorating the Christmas tree and wrapping presents, the vacations you went on, and cleaning the whole house.  You get the point.  Now, go give your mom a call or a hug and tell her you love her.